"Personal log Stardate 83727.32." The mezzo-soprano voice says quietly, this personal log appears to be be audio only. Ael'Ihhuein finally begins to speak again, "There is nothing quite like the feeling of being impassioned. I wish that the Elements would be less inconstant with their directions. One moment the Elements do not speak to me and the next moment, I am nearly deafened by their shoves towards what my mnhei'sahe demands.
One of the main reasons I do not feel bad for the 'shame' that I carry for my decisions is that the Elements still speak to me. If my life were constantly left without direction from the Elements, I would believe that my choices were wrong.
After speaking to Deihu Galan tr'Llaehnn, I realize one thing… mnhei'sahe demands blood to be shed. I know deep inside of my soul that my mnhei'sahe shall not be satisfied until the murderer's blood is shed. I may not be able to draw that blood myself, but I vow to do everything in my power to see to it that I am part of what causes him to breath his last breath. I tried going through the appropriate channels and all of my warnings fell upon deaf ears.
I refuse to be ignored. I feel as if I am partially responsible for the blood that has already spilled. I could have done more and I could have refused to be silent earlier. Had I been brave enough earlier, so many innocent rian would still be alive. That is why it is clear what I must do. I have made an offer to the Deihu, it may run the risk of my laying my own life on the line to satisfy my mnhei'sahe but there is precious little other options.
After accepting my path, I have made my peace. I am fortunate that there are not many who are actually close to me, but to those that are… I have ensured that should my soul be returned to Vorta Vor, those that I love will have things to remember me by and I have make peace with my sins. I do not fear death, though I am saddened that there is a chance that my life could end before more aspects of my private life had developed.
I wish I could tell him what I am planning, but I know very well that he would not understand. No offworlder can, mnhei'sahe is a concept that is difficult for even Rihannsu to fully grasp. I would hardly believe that a human could grasp it's significance. He would certainly try to stop me and that is why I cannot involve him or let him know that there is anything wrong… I selfishly hope that I get a chance to spend some quality time with him alone before I go forth and do what needs to be done.
I have faith in the Elements that what must happen, will happen. Whether my actions are successful or fail I will be at peace that I did everything I could think of to protect my rian. I pray to the Elements that my trust in the Deihu are not false hopes, I know he has lied to me about many things but to a degree he has also been more honest with me than I believe he is allowed.
Elements watch over me and my other rian across the Galaxy who have chosen the same path that I have."
